Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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