yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
