nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
