These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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