Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
