It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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