you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
