Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
