6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there is glitter all over my balls
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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