Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
