You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
