I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
