I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
