Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
