how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
