I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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