i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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