You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
