so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
