i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
