The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
where does the pee come out of this thing
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
