Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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