you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
