tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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