Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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