She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
