dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
