This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
