I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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