Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
is it fun? or sober?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
