I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
