I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Houston, we have a squirter
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I had to cum in my sink.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
