I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
