You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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