Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
