I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
