"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
