Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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