i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
