he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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