oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
