Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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