I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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