I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
