and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He shit in the fireplace
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
