My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
