gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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