I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
