Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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