I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
