Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
