it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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