He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
